Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Funny Shit Roundup

Not literal shit, my friends. A few things I found on Jezebel (seriously, read it! I don't know what took me so long to come around!) today struck my fancy, and I wanted to share.

First, we've got a lovely Public Service Announcement; the question is whether it was a Twilight fan or Stephenie Myer herself who designed it:

Now see, this is just one of those things I suppose my mother left out when she taught me things like "look both ways before crossing the road" and the five-second rule. Little girls, beware! Not only do older men now have the superhuman ability to transmit AIDS through deceptive (and suspiciously large) bulletin boards, you might get a side-dish of 'broken family' without even asking for it! Oh, and also, in case you were wondering, it's obviously *only* older men who can transmit AIDS. Older men that wear diagonally-striped ties and have dark, Ken-doll haircuts, circa 1995. Remember, little Betsys and Sues, if an older man attempts to infiltrate your holy, Lolita-temple with the AIDS-box, simply push his 'gift' back at him and say, ever so politely, "No thank you, sir, I've already eaten."

There's also this laugh-so-hard-you-piss-yourself post from the lovelies at Jezebel, who revised a 70s-era Dutch sex-education book for children:

Hey, baby, ever watched a fetus crown from a hairy cartoon twat?

And finally, a hilarious interview with Betty White and Cloris Leachman, the Grand Dames of Old Broad-dom. I grew up on The Golden Girls and I can still cite, verbatim, many of Rose's tales from St. Olaf. It's tragic that both Estelle Getty (Sophia) and Bea Arthur (Dorothy) have passed recently. Rest in peace, you fierce old sluts (I think they'd like that). These raisins taught me more about sex than any abstinence-only program I went through in junior high!

On how to smile-with-your-eyes in your 80s:

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